Yearning:

The word yearning, what does it mean? It is about wanting something badly. But if it were just that we would call the feeling “wanting” and not “yearning”. Yearning is wanting something so badly it hurts. It has to hurt to be worthy of the word.

Passionate people tend to experience yearning more frequently than others. Meaning, people who do everything they do with extreme emotions. When they are happy, they are not only happy, they are thrilled, ecstatic even and when they are sad or hurt, they are not only that, they are devastated. I am one of those people who’s highs in life are incredibly high, which is fantastic and makes life such a thrilling, beautiful and eventful experience. However, it also makes the lows, really low and the punches extremely painful. Yearning is somewhere in between a high and a low. It can be both high and low, and it can be neither.

Wanting a child, having the wish to become a mother is the negative kind of yearning when it cannot be achieved before the feeling of wanting motherhood turns into a yearning for motherhood. It is an irrational feeling for most of us. It comes from an egocentric place for all of us, which is understandable but irrational nevertheless. It is something you cannot turn off or ignore. Once you have it, it’s there like a constant companion or an itch you desperately need to scratch. The feeling becomes such a part of who you are that you become a different person, a person willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill that dream.

We also have a positive kind of yearning. The kind that gives you flutters in your belly. The feeling that grows from attraction to another person. That kind of yearning is tied up with lust and longing. While it aches, it is still a positive feeling. It gives you energy, makes you want to be better than you are. It makes you capable of a love that comes from a place of pure selflessness.

It is funny how one kind of yearning can lead to the fulfillment of the other.

Life’s dissapointments

This post is a little late, I’m aware. I couldn’t find the right words to express my feelings. As most of you may have guessed by now, I am not pregnant. I was so ready, and secretly a little excited already as well.

It’s weird when I got my period I was so incredibly disappointed, but weirdly enough I got over that fairly quickly and got excited for the next time. I was somehow able to hold on to the hope and the feeling that this is my path and therefore it will happen. However, the disappointment was quickly replaced by a sense of loneliness and the feeling I have lost something. It’s weird; I haven’t felt this kind of loneliness and longing for something I’ve lost for a very long time.

But I’m working hard on trying again and getting the means to do so. I am going to be a mom, somehow! And you know what, I’m going to be a great one too!!

Our Pride Month

It’s June! It’s Pride month. I am currently way behind on blogging. I am way behind in every aspect of my life. I lost my inspiration these last few weeks, but even without proper inspiration, I felt it is necessary for me to address pride month. 

Let me be honest here, I adore everything and anyone that is part of the LBGTQ community! I think everyone should just be more accepting towards the things they see as different than themselves. I mean seriously, do you know how many people say “no, I’m not homophobic, I just don’t want them to be all up in my face about it.” or “No, I don’t mind homosexuals or lesbians, but I do think bisexual people are just faking it.” Sorry!, I’ll stop ranting now. 

I’ve talked about bisexuality on this blog before, so today I want to address transsexuality and transgenderism. I often wonder why there is so much confusion under the cisgender population about genderfluidity and transgenderism. I don’t understand why it matters to anyone but the person in question. I hear so many stories on all media outlets about transgender people being assaulted or bullied. I wonder why… I mean why are some people so offended by transgenders? If young men are harassing a transgender girl for wearing a skirt they are doing that because she is different. She does not fit into a box, so they want to shame her into a box simply because she is different, or at least that is what they want people to think. What they are actually doing is shoving themselves more firmly into the box they believe to be in. I mean, God forbid anyone would think they were different or not so firmly into that “normal, average, straight” box. I don’t blame these boys or girls, I gave a male example here, let us be clear that does not mean girls don’t bully, assault or harass transgenders. But I don’t blame them, it is just ignorance and insecurity they are suffering from. And furthermore, they often are a victim of a gender-specific upbringing. It is something that is thaught to children from the moment they are born, boys act in a certain way and girls act in a certain way. Boys don’t wear dresses, boys don’t wear skirts, and girls wear make-up and play with dolls. Furthermore, girls look beautiful or cute while boys look nice, tough, manly, or cool. Most of the time we don’t even comment on a young boy’s looks or clothes while we almost always do for girls. wether we do it consciously or unconsciously in creates a dived, differences and boxes we should get rid of.

So, for pride month, I call for change. I call for a more genderneutral upbringing of the next generation. An upbringing and education that about all sorts of people, not just the ones that are regarded as normal. No one is normal because everyone is special, special but equal. So we should all teach that to the next generation, there are no boxes because everyone is unique!